Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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