the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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