did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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