I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
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3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
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I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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