Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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