my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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