and you said cock pushups were impossible
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
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at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
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We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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