i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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