She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
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I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
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sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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