Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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