So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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