I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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