I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
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I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
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I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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