Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
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