so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
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He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
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I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
The uberlube is also flammable
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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