We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
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i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
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