Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
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These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
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Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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