As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
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they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
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Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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