I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
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this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
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If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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