Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
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I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
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Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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