We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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