I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
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