I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
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Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
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I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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