someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
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she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
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You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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