Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
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