So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
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Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
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I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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