I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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