He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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