Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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