That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize