That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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