the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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