what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
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Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
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Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
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