So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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