One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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