I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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