are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
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An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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