Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
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Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
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theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
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