and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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