I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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