Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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