so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize