I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize