I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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