so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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