Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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