The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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