Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize