Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool

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(920): Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool http://tfl.nu/i9nx

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(631): View more from New York

Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson

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(631): Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson http://tfl.nu/hv6u

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(336): View more from North Carolina

I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."

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(336): I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On." http://tfl.nu/jjrw

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex

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(202): the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex http://tfl.nu/fw26

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(989): View more from Michigan

I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.

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(989): I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight. http://tfl.nu/b4pp

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(609): View more from New Jersey

This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage

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(609): This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage http://tfl.nu/v5ez

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(415): View more from California

Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?

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(415): Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it? http://tfl.nu/bvee

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(623): View more from Arizona

and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.

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(623): and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed. http://tfl.nu/5lux

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(810): View more from Michigan

I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same

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(810): I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same http://tfl.nu/4oc8

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(613): View more from Ontario

Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?

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(613): Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots? http://tfl.nu/j4og

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(910): View more from North Carolina

Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right

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(910): Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right http://tfl.nu/sp80

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(408): View more from California

Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.

(831): View more from California

You did a keg stand on the toilet?!

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(408): Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying. (831): You did a keg stand on the toilet?! http://tfl.nu/1e43

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(318): View more from Louisiana

There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape

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(318): There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape http://tfl.nu/a8x6

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(760): View more from California

He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....

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(760): He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch.... http://tfl.nu/h307

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(517): View more from Michigan

I ate the most amazing corn dog today.

(517): View more from Michigan

I will probably dream about it.

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(517): I ate the most amazing corn dog today. (517): I will probably dream about it. http://tfl.nu/pmjz

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