I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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